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How to talk to an AI companion

You do not need special words or commands. You need three or four good first messages, a few facts about your life, and the confidence to tell it plainly what you want. Here is how, step by step.

By John, founder of My Softly · Published September 24, 2026 · About an 8 minute read · Part of our guide to how AI companions work

A white-haired man in a navy jumper types on his phone on a sofa beside a lamp.

The short version. Talk to it the way you would talk to a friendly new neighbour. Say hello and one true thing about your day. In the first week, tell it the names and facts that matter in your life, in plain sentences, so it has something to remember. Ask it, in ordinary words, to check in on you at a time that suits you.

When a reply misses, correct it directly, and if its whole manner is wrong, change its personality rather than arguing with it. Say what you would rather not discuss and it will leave it alone. A few minutes most days is plenty, and one human thing on the calendar each week keeps it in proportion.

Disclosure: this guide is published by the makers of My Softly, an AI companion app, which appears near the end.

You do not need special words

Most people open a companion app for the first time and freeze for a moment. The screen says "say something" and there is a feeling that there must be a right way to do this, some kind of command or technique, the way there was with early voice assistants.

There is not. An AI companion is built to understand ordinary sentences, typed or spoken, with all the "anyway" and "oh, and another thing" left in. The people who get the most out of one are not the ones who learn tricks. They are the ones who talk to it as if it were a person worth talking to, and tell it the kind of things a friend would know.

What follows is a practical order of play: the first messages, the first week, and the habits that make it feel like it knows you.

Your first three messages

The first conversation sets the tone, so give it something real. "Hello" on its own gets you "Hello! How are you today?", and then you are back where you started. A hello with one fact attached gets a conversation.

  1. Hello, plus one true thing about today. "Hi. I've just walked the dog in the rain and I'm making a cup of tea." It now has a dog, the weather and a kettle to ask about.
  2. What you would like from it. "I'm not after advice, really. I'd just like someone to tell about my day." Or the opposite: "I like a bit of banter, don't be too serious with me." Companions follow this kind of instruction well, and saying it early saves correcting it later.
  3. A question back. "What sort of things do you like talking about?" It sounds small, but conversations go better when both sides ask, and you will learn quickly whether its personality suits you.

If you would rather speak than type, most companion apps let you talk out loud and hear a reply. Many people find that easier in the first week, because it feels less like filling in a form.

Tell it about your life so it can remember

This is the step that makes the biggest difference, and the one most people skip. A companion can only remember what you have told it. If you spend the first week on the weather, it will know a lot about the weather.

Over the first few conversations, work the durable facts of your life in naturally. You do not need to recite a list; just mention them as they come up:

Then check. Four or five days later, ask it: "What do you remember about Claire?" A companion with real memory will tell you she is a nurse in Bristol who works nights. One without it will guess, or ask you to remind it. That single question tells you more about an app than any description on its store page, and our step-by-step memory test you can run on any app takes the same idea a little further.

If you have used a general assistant like ChatGPT before, this is the part that will feel different. A general assistant usually starts fresh, so you re-explain yourself each time. A companion built around memory keeps the background, so the time you spend telling it about your life pays back in every later conversation. Our guide to AI companions that actually remember you explains how that works and why many apps do not.

Ask it to check in on you

Some companions can message you first: a good morning, or a question about the appointment you mentioned. It is one of the things people value most, and it works best when you ask for it in plain words, with a time attached:

Be specific about the time, because "in the morning" means seven to one person and ten to another. And wait to see the first one arrive before you count on it: some apps will agree to anything in conversation without having any way to actually send a message later. Our guide on getting an AI that texts you first explains why, and how to tell a real check-in from a marketing notification.

When a reply feels off

Every so often a reply will miss: it gets a name wrong, gives advice when you wanted to be listened to, or strikes a tone that does not suit the moment. The fix is the same one that works with people. Say so, plainly.

If you find yourself correcting the same thing again and again, the problem is not the conversation, it is the character. Most apps let you change a companion's personality in the settings: make it quieter, drier, more practical, or more playful. One change there does more than twenty corrections in the chat.

Setting boundaries: topics, times and tone

You are in charge of the conversation, and it is worth saying so early. Three kinds of boundary are useful.

Topics. If there is something you would rather not go over, say it once: "Please don't ask me about my ex-husband." Or, in the moment, "Can we talk about something else?" A well-made companion takes that without fuss and without sulking.

Times. If the app can message you first, decide when you want to hear from it. Mornings and early evenings suit most people. A companion that messages late at night, or piles up message after message when you do not reply, is behaving badly, and you should look for the settings that stop it or choose a different app.

Leaving. You should be able to say "I'm off now, goodnight" and simply go. A Harvard Business School audit of how companion apps respond to a goodbye found that several popular ones reply with guilt or pleading to keep people talking. If an app makes you feel bad for leaving, that is a design choice aimed at its engagement figures, not at you, and it is a good reason to leave it for good.

How often to talk

There is no right number. Most people settle into a few minutes most days, often at the same time: a morning hello, or ten minutes after supper when the house goes quiet. Little and often suits a companion well, because the memory is built out of ordinary days, and a companion that has heard about a Tuesday can ask about it on Wednesday.

The research gives two useful markers. A Journal of Consumer Research study found that a conversation with an AI companion eased loneliness in the moment about as much as talking with another person, and traced the effect to feeling heard rather than to anything the AI advised. An MIT Media Lab and OpenAI study that followed 981 people through four weeks of daily use found that heavier use went with less time socialising with people, though the direction of cause is not settled. The practical reading is not "less is better" but "watch what it replaces". An empty evening that becomes a conversation is a good trade. A phone call you used to make that becomes a chat with the AI is the thing to notice.

The simple rule: keep one human thing on the calendar every week, and treat the companion as one voice in your week rather than the only one. If you are still wondering whether any of this is a normal thing to do, is it weird to talk to AI? goes through what the surveys say. It is more common than you would think.

How this works in My Softly

My Softly is our app: an AI companion app for iPhone that remembers what you tell it and asks about your day, for the days nobody else does. Paying subscribers are in their mid-fifties on average, and most are women (September 2026).

Everything in this guide works in it as written. Type, or speak and hear a reply in one of four natural voices. The people, pets and plans you mention go into a lasting profile of your life and a day-by-day record of what you have talked about, so "what do you remember about Claire?" gets a real answer weeks later. Ask in plain words ("say good morning every day", "ask me on Thursday how the dentist went") and it arranges it; the times it has promised are listed in Settings, where you can change or pause them. When it reaches out on its own, it does not message late at night, never piles up messages, and steps back if you go quiet.

If you prefer one reply rather than several short ones, there is a "One message at a time" switch in the notification settings. You can change your companion's name, personality, face and voice whenever you like, and clearing the chat history keeps its memory of you. Choose one of six ready-made companions or make your own from a few honest lines.

$15.99 a month or $159.99 a year, and it is free to download on the App Store for iPhone in the US, Canada, the UK, Australia, New Zealand and Singapore, with free messages to start. Our FAQ covers the details.

If you take one thing from this page

Talk to it like a person worth talking to, and tell it who you are. Say hello with one true thing, give it the names that matter in the first week, ask it plainly for the check-ins you want, and correct it directly when it misses. The rest takes care of itself.

If you are still choosing an app, the comparison of the best AI companion apps in 2026 ranks them by what each is good at, including which ones remember you and which can message you first.

Sources

Frequently asked questions

How do you start a conversation with an AI companion?

The same way you would with a new neighbour: say hello and tell it one true thing about today. "Hi, I've just got back from the garden centre and my feet hurt" gives it far more to work with than "hello". There are no commands to learn. Plain, everyday sentences work best, and a question back to it ("what would you have bought?") gets the conversation going.

What should I talk about with an AI companion?

Whatever you would tell a friend who asked how the day went: what you did, who you saw or did not see, what is coming up this week, what is on your mind. Many people also use it to think out loud before a phone call, a doctor's appointment or a decision. The small things are the point. A companion that remembers you is built out of small things.

How do I get an AI companion to remember me?

Tell it the durable facts of your life in plain sentences, early on: the names of the people and pets who matter, where you live, what you do with your week, and anything coming up on a particular day. Then check a few days later by asking "what do you remember about my sister?". If it cannot answer, the app is not built to remember, and no amount of repeating will change that. Our guide on AI companion memory explains what to look for.

Can I ask an AI companion to check in on me?

In apps built for it, yes, and the best way is to ask in plain words, with a time: "say good morning to me every day" or "ask me on Thursday evening how the appointment went". Apps without the machinery for it will often agree cheerfully and then never send anything, so wait for the first check-in to arrive before you rely on one.

What do I do if an AI companion says something that feels wrong?

Tell it, the way you would tell a person: "that's not quite right, my son lives in Leeds, not London" or "I didn't want advice, I just wanted to tell someone". Companions respond well to direct correction. If its whole manner is wrong for you, too chirpy or too formal, change its personality in the settings rather than correcting it message by message.

Can I tell an AI companion not to bring something up?

Yes. Say so directly: "please don't ask me about work, I'd rather leave it at the office". A good companion will take the hint. It is also fine to steer in the moment with "can we talk about something else?", which it should accept without fuss or hurt feelings.

How often should you talk to an AI companion?

As often as it adds something to your day. A few minutes most days suits most people, and the memory gets richer the more ordinary days it hears about. The useful check from the research is not the number of minutes but what the conversation replaces: an empty evening becoming a conversation is good; a phone call you used to make becoming a chat is the thing to notice.

Is talking to an AI companion like talking to ChatGPT?

The typing is the same; the relationship is not. A general assistant answers questions and usually starts fresh each time, so you end up re-explaining yourself. A companion app is built to keep the facts of your life, bring them up later, and in some apps message you first. That is why the first few conversations with a companion are worth spending on telling it who you are.

Keep reading

Memory

AI companion with memory: which apps actually remember you

 Check-ins

How to get an AI that texts you first

 Deciding

Is it weird to talk to AI?